How to Help Your Partner Work Through Pregnancy Loss: A Guide

Pregnancy loss is a deeply personal and heartbreaking experience, and when it happens, it can feel like the world stops. Whether it’s a miscarriage, stillbirth, or loss at any stage of pregnancy, the grief can be overwhelming for both partners. While the emotional and physical toll is often more pronounced for the person who carried the pregnancy, it also profoundly affects their partner. If you’re supporting your loved one through this incredibly difficult time, you may feel unsure of what to say, what to do, or how best to be there for them. The truth is, there’s no perfect roadmap to navigate grief, but there are ways to offer comfort, love, and support.

In this blog, we’ll talk about how you can help your partner work through pregnancy loss, with empathy, patience, and understanding. Let’s explore what this journey might look like and how you can be the rock they need while also tending to your own feelings of loss.

1. Acknowledge the Grief

The first, and perhaps most important, thing you can do is acknowledge the loss. Sometimes people avoid talking about pregnancy loss because they don’t know what to say or are afraid of making the situation worse. But pretending it didn’t happen or avoiding the topic won’t help. Start by simply recognizing the deep pain your partner is feeling. Saying something as straightforward as, “I’m so sorry for what we’re going through,” can be a powerful first step.

Remember, pregnancy loss isn’t just the loss of a baby. It’s the loss of dreams, hopes, and future plans. Your partner might be grieving not just the physical absence but the future they imagined. Acknowledge that, too.

2. Listen Without Trying to “Fix” It

Sometimes we want to offer solutions or make things better right away because we can’t bear to see our loved ones in pain. But grief doesn’t have a “fix.” What your partner may need most is simply to be heard. You don’t need to have the right words. Often, the most comforting thing you can do is listen.

When your partner wants to talk, let them. If they don’t, that’s okay too. Just let them know you’re there. Resist the urge to say things like, “Everything happens for a reason” or “At least we can try again.” While well-meaning, these phrases can minimize the very real and profound grief they are experiencing. Instead, try saying things like:

• “I’m here for you, no matter what you need.”
• “It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or whatever you’re feeling right now.”
• “We’re in this together.”

Your presence and willingness to listen are often far more valuable than any solution.

3. Support Their Emotional Needs

Grief comes in waves, and it looks different for everyone. Some days your partner may seem okay, and on others, they may feel deeply sad. Allow them to experience their emotions without judgment or pressure to “move on.” Your partner might feel a range of emotions—grief, guilt, anger, or even numbness—and all of these feelings are valid.

• Give them space when needed: Sometimes, your partner may need some time alone to process their emotions, and that’s perfectly normal.
• Be patient: Grief has no timeline, so avoid rushing your partner or expecting them to “get over it” after a certain period. Healing takes time.
• Offer comfort in their way: Everyone finds comfort in different things. Some people may want to talk, cry, or be held, while others might find solace in quiet activities. Pay attention to what makes your partner feel supported and try to offer that.

4. Take Care of Practical Needs

Pregnancy loss can be physically and emotionally draining. There may be a need for practical help during this time, especially in the days immediately following the loss. You can offer support by taking on some of the household responsibilities so your partner can focus on healing.

• Help with daily tasks: Whether it’s cooking, cleaning, or running errands, offering to take care of these things can alleviate stress.
• Accompany them to doctor’s appointments: Your partner may need follow-up appointments, and having someone by their side can provide emotional support during what may be difficult visits.
• Be mindful of their physical recovery: Pregnancy loss can come with physical pain and discomfort. Offer to help with self-care tasks like making sure they’re taking prescribed medications, resting, and staying hydrated. Sometimes, the physical side is overlooked, but it’s just as important as the emotional recovery.

5. Grieve Together, But Tend to Your Own Grief Too

It’s important to recognize that pregnancy loss affects both of you, though possibly in different ways. While you’re supporting your partner, it’s equally important to acknowledge your own grief. You’ve experienced a loss too, and your feelings are valid.

• Talk about your own feelings: It’s okay to let your partner know that you’re grieving too. Sharing your feelings can bring you closer as a couple and create a sense of shared healing.
• Seek support for yourself: Whether it’s through friends, family, or a counselor, make sure you’re taking care of your emotional health. It’s easy to get so focused on supporting your partner that you forget to take care of yourself, but your well-being is essential too.

Grieving together doesn’t mean you have to experience the loss in the exact same way. There’s room for both of your emotions in this process, and by sharing the experience, you can move through it with a deeper connection.

6. Seek Professional Help If Needed

Grief can be overwhelming, and sometimes it’s hard to navigate alone. If you notice that your partner (or yourself) is struggling to cope—whether it’s with deep, prolonged sadness, anxiety, or depression—it may be time to consider professional help.

• Counseling: Individual or couples counseling can provide a safe space for both of you to process the loss. A therapist can offer guidance on how to work through grief and navigate the complexities of this difficult time.
• Support groups: There are many support groups specifically for pregnancy loss, both online and in person. Being in a space where others have experienced similar losses can be incredibly healing for both of you.

There’s no shame in seeking help, and sometimes talking to a professional can provide relief in ways that friends and family may not be able to.

7. Honor the Loss in a Meaningful Way

One way to help both you and your partner heal is by finding a way to honor the baby and the pregnancy. Some people find comfort in creating a lasting memory or tribute to their lost baby. It could be something as simple as lighting a candle on certain anniversaries, planting a tree, or keeping a special memento.

Talk to your partner about what might feel meaningful to them. While it won’t erase the grief, it can be a way of acknowledging the loss and finding peace in honoring the life that was.

8. Prepare for Triggering Situations

Life will inevitably continue moving forward, even while you’re grieving. Certain situations, like seeing pregnancy announcements, attending baby showers, or even just walking through the baby aisle at the store, can trigger intense feelings of sadness or loss for your partner (and for you).

Talk with your partner about how to navigate these situations ahead of time. It’s okay to skip events that might be too painful or set boundaries with others about what topics are off-limits for now. You don’t have to be strong all the time, and there’s no shame in protecting your emotional well-being.

Be There, Every Step of the Way

Supporting your partner through pregnancy loss is one of the most compassionate and loving things you can do, but it’s also a journey that takes time. Be patient, be present, and allow both of you to grieve in your own ways. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution for navigating such a personal loss, but by being empathetic, listening, and offering love without condition, you’ll help your partner (and yourself) move through this difficult chapter with grace and understanding.

At the end of the day, healing from pregnancy loss isn’t about “getting over it” but learning how to move forward while carrying the memory of what was lost. Your love, support, and patience will be a vital part of that healing journey.

Thank you for reading this week’s post, “How to Help Your Partner Work Through Pregnancy Loss: A Guide.” For more tips on all things pregnancy, postpartum, and parenthood visit our weekly blog.